看見自己的美好～談高度自我要求者的負擔與因應

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The post 2026年5月精選好文 first appeared on 學生輔導中心.

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The post 2026年4月精選好文 first appeared on 學生輔導中心.

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The post 2026年3月精選好文 first appeared on 學生輔導中心.

上一次，你感覺自己腦袋一片空白，只想找地方躲起來，是什麼時候？

是你想與所重視的人，分享你的喜悅或需求時，卻得不到回應……
是看到社群媒體時，才發現自己被社交圈的親友活動排除在外……
是在不經意的情況下，在眾人面前出現無法預防的犯錯或出糗……
是上台報告或考試結束後，認為自己的表現比預想的糟糕許多……

這種覺得自己「不夠好」、有缺陷、不值得被愛或歸屬，對自我產生鋪天蓋地的負面評價，同時恐懼被看穿，而讓人想要隱藏、消失或逃離的感受，也就是「羞愧」（Shame）。發展關係文化理論（RCT）的朱迪斯‧約旦（Judith Jordan）說羞愧是─「覺得自己不值得處於連結之中，深切地覺得自己不值得被愛，卻又非常想與他人建立連結。」

當你感到羞愧的時候，不是因為你真的有什麼問題，更有可能是你的某些經驗被喚起。那些經驗，可能來自過往，當你需要有人陪伴與包容的時候、當你想要與人分享與互動的時候，你的需求被錯過了，對方無法理解你的感受，也無法回應你的狀態，沒有機會與你進行溫暖且有回應的互動，但這不是你不好，只是不好的事情發生在你身上。

那些難以承受的羞愧日復一日的出現時，無疑令人想要逃避、否認或控制，也許你試過以對他人冷漠、完美主義、拖延、成癮行為進行逃避；也許你曾以對抗、指責、自以為是的態度進行否認；也許你也曾經反覆自憐、自責、離不開難受的處境，而那是你試圖控制不讓更痛苦的羞愧發生的方法，這些方法都不是你做錯了什麼事情，而是你正在努力想要保護自己。

撰寫《脆弱的力量》、《我已經夠好了》的布芮尼‧布朗博士（Brené Brown Ph. D.），提出關於「羞愧復原力」（Shame Resilience）的四個要素：

從覺察羞愧的感受開始，如：身體緊繃、臉頰發熱、想躲起來……等等，能夠幫助我們減少陷入羞愧的無助感，而採取對自己適合的方式。個人獨有的羞愧觸發情境，可能與我們的成長經驗有關，特別是在某些身份面向中遭遇貶低時，就容易在往後的歲月中被喚起羞愧的感受，這些面向可能是：外貌與身體意象、家庭角色、學業與工作、身心健康、親密關係、宗教、刻板印象、創傷倖存經驗……等等。

當我們能夠辨識觸發的情境，我們可以開始檢視對自己的期待從何而來—關於外表、成就、行為……「應該如何」的訊息。當代媒體、同儕社群、家庭文化的影響力，讓我們相信達成某種光鮮亮麗的標準才是好的，反之，就是不夠好。這種不夠好的感覺，持續強化了我們對自己的負面評價，而更感羞愧。但是當媒體形塑的價值是朝向單一而非多元，而風光樣貌的背後有未曾揭露的資源與代價，也許我們可以選擇不被片面的訊息說服，而是進行更多的探究，以重新評估我們對於自己的期待。

羞愧會在祕密、沉默與被評價中蔓延、茁壯，而連結與同理有機會讓羞愧發生改變，但與他人連結時，則不免要選擇哪些人會是我們合適的人選？我們可以詢問自己：「我的生活中有哪些人際網絡？當中有誰會以同理心和支持對我伸出援手？在不同的議題上又有哪些人容易讓我覺得羞愧？」當我們選擇合適的人選，讓自己的需求被看見，也就是累積更安全、更有回應、更受認可的經驗。

當我們使用語言具體表達羞愧經驗—發生了什麼、我告訴自己什麼、我感覺如何，也是在突破既有對痛苦的屏蔽。我們試著在自己的故事中將情境、關係、情緒、意義和理解聯繫起來，透過這個敘說的過程，整合內在的痛苦與喜悅、驕傲與遺憾、解脫與順應，也增進了我們的能動性與講述能力。這些將羞愧暴露在陽光與空氣中的歷程，正是復原的過程。

除了在羞愧發生時進行復原，我們也能透過培養自尊來預防羞愧的侵擾。自尊是對自己的重要性與價值的自我評估，而自尊的發展與三個要素有關：「有目的的行為、為成就感到自豪、共享的喜悅」。這三個要素的養成都有賴我們為自己設定合理的目標而不是過於理想的目標，因為通往真實自尊的道路，需要我們接受自己的不完美與脆弱，也需要我們允許自己走一段經過羞愧之地的下坡路。

下一次，當羞愧再度浮現，也許在使用「逃避、否認、控制」的自我保護之外，我們可以從被自己感受與看見開始，仍然對自己懷抱慈悲，並且在準備好的時候，選擇不再獨自承受，而是試著向一個能夠同理你的人伸手，讓羞愧在連結之中消褪。一如繪本《男孩，鼴鼠，狐狸與馬》所說：「永遠記得，你的存在很有意義，你很重要，你是被愛的。而且你為世界帶來無可取代的東西。」

參考資料
Brown, B.（2014）。我已經夠好了：克服自卑！從「擔心別人怎麼想」，到「勇敢做自己」（洪慧芳譯）。馬可孛羅。（原著出版於2007年）
Burgo, J.（2024）。良性羞恥：接住你家庭、職場、愛情與人際關係中的無地自容（曾琳之譯）。一起來出版。（原著出版於2018年）
DeYoung, P. A.（2025）。羞恥感：羞恥感的共情理解與心理治療指南（黃明貴譯）。華夏出版社。（原著出版於2015年）
Sand, I.（2022）。致，怕給人添麻煩的你：清理內心不必要的羞愧感，擁抱完整的自己（吳宜蓁譯）。采實文化。（原著出版於2021年）

The post 「不夠好」不是你的錯─關於羞愧你該知道的事 first appeared on 學生輔導中心.

In a world that constantly demands perfect grades, a perfect appearance, and a perfect life, urging you to optimize your time, build a remarkable résumé, manage your emotions, and fix your weaknesses, the pressure to be outstanding is always at two hundred percent. It keeps you up late studying for next week’s presentation, or pushes you to procrastinate by scrolling on your phone because the anxiety feels overwhelming. Maybe, because you worry about your performance, you’re constantly comparing yourself to others. They seem more motivated, more balanced, more certain, even on good days, you feel like what you’re doing is never enough.

For many college students, this sense of “not enough” can be a constant background noise that takes an emotional toll. And while growth is essential to human development, what happens when being human starts to feel like failing? College is not only a place where you learn subjects and skills for a future career; it is also where you begin to discover who you are and how to relate and care for yourself. And for many students, the relationship with the self becomes more shaped by pressure than by care.

Understanding Perfectionism

Perfectionism often develops in environments where approval feels conditional and mistakes come at a high cost. In these settings outcomes become highly predictable, and people learn that one’s worth is tied to “good performance” (Curran & Hill, 2019).

Over time, this leads individuals to understand perfectionism simply as having “high standards.” However, for many students, striving to be perfect is not about wanting to be excellent; it’s about wanting to feel safe. Perfectionism becomes a survival strategy rather than a personality trait. It helps protect against rejection, failure, and the painful sense of not being “good enough.” Studies often show links between perfectionism and chronic self-criticism to anxiety, depression, burnout, and avoidance (Curran & Hill, 2019; Frost et al., 1990).

The Cost of Self-Criticism

As a student you must be familiar with the inner critic. It often shows up when you receive a grade lower than expected, miss a deadline, feel unproductive, or face social challenges. It might say things like “You’re not trying hard enough”, “Other people are doing better”, “Mistakes mean I’m a failure”. This harsh inner voice is meant to motivate you, but in reality, it operates through threat and shame.

When our brain perceives a threat it activates a stress response. The body reacts by narrowing your attention and intensifying our emotions. For the inner critic, mistakes feel dangerous. According to compassion-focused psychology, chronic self-criticism activates the brain’s threat system, increasing stress, making emotional regulation more difficult (Gilbert, 2009). While this can feel motivating in the short term, in the long run it leads to exhaustion, avoidance and a greater vulnerability to developing mental health difficulties such as depression and chronic anxiety (Gilbert, 2009; Neff, 2003).

Think about it, if self-attack truly fostered positive growth, many students would feel confident, focused, and fulfilled. Instead, many feel anxious, mentally and physically drained due to constant stress. With this awareness, an important question arises, if fear does not help you grow, what might?

Self-Compassion: A Different Way of Relating to Yourself

Self-compassion does not mean lowering standards, making excuses, or avoiding responsibility. Rather, self-compassion acknowledges that suffering is part of the human experience and teaches us how to notice it and relate to ourselves and our experiences in a different way, that is with kindness instead of punishment (Neff, 2003).

In a world where we constantly evaluate ourselves, many students learn to relate to themselves through comparison and correction. Emotions become problems to solve, and rest needs to be justified. Struggle is seen as evidence of failure rather than growth. One’s inner world feels less like a place where peace and self-care can blossom, and becomes more like a place that needs to be managed.

As noted earlier, according to compassion-focused psychology, engaging in chronic self-criticism activates the brain’s threat system, increasing stress, shame and emotional reactivity. In contrast, Self-compassion fosters an internal sense of security that supports learning and increases psychological flexibility and resilience (Neff & Germer, 2018). It redirects self-critical questions like “What’s wrong with me?” to “What’s going on within me?”, helping cultivate self-kindness and building an inner source of support that motivates in a healthier way.

With this in mind, you might be asking yourself: ‘How do I deal with my inner critic?’ Inspired by Yadav’s (2016) work, the following six steps are meant to guide you:

1. Be mindful (The ninja brain): Notice yourself and your surroundings in a non-judgemental manner, allowing things to be as they are, without labels.
2. Practice self-forgiveness: Forgive yourself for past mistakes. You are worthy of love exactly as you are, there is no need to be “perfect.”
3. Adopt a growing mindset: Life is about learning and changing. Embrace challenges and look for meaning in your experiences.
4. Count your blessings: Notice what’s going well today. Let gratitude gently push the negativity aside.
5. Helping hands, happy heart: Acts of kindness makes us happy, but true happiness comes when we also honor our own needs.
6. Cultivate self-love: Value yourself as a human being deserving of respect and care,just for being you.

Self-Compassion’s Invitation to Returning Back to Being Human

Moving from self-criticizing to self-compassion is a gradual and often quiet process. For example, when obtaining a disappointing grade you might acknowledge the disappointment instead of punishing yourself. When you feel tired, you allow yourself to rest without needing to justify it. Self-compassion reminds you that struggle does not equal personal failure. We all struggle, we all suffer, and we all share a wide range of emotions. Recognizing this shared humanity also helps us feel more connected to others through our shared experiences.

You could imagine practicing self-compassion as if you were talking to a close friend. Perhaps you place a hand on your shoulder and, before spiraling into self-judgement, gently ask yourself “What do I need right now?.”

Studies indicate that those with higher levels of higher self-compassion also tend to show greater emotional resilience, healthier motivation, and lower levels of shame and burnout (Neff & Germer, 2018).

Over time, the small steps you take reshape the relationship you have with your own mind. You move from self-control to self-support, from constantly self-evaluating yourself to self-understanding. Self-compassion is not something for which you first have to fix yourself so you can start practicing. It is something you practice because learning to be a human is one of the most important things you can practice. Because you are, you are already worthy.

References
Curran, T., & Hill, A. P. (2019). Perfectionism is increasing over time: A meta-analysis of birth cohort differences. Psychological Bulletin, 145(4), 410–429.
Frost, R. O., Marten, P., Lahart, C., & Rosenblate, R. (1990). The dimensions of perfectionism. Cognitive Therapy and Research, 14(5), 449–468.
Gilbert, P. (2009). The compassionate mind. New Harbinger.
Neff, K. D. (2003). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity, 2(2), 85–101.
Neff, K. D., & Germer, C. K. (2018). The mindful self-compassion workbook. Guilford Press.
Yadav, P. (2016). Self- compassion and the art of overcoming one’s inner critic. Indian Journal of Positive Psychology, 7(4), 495–497.

The post Learning Self-Compassion While Being Human in a World That Demands Perfection first appeared on 學生輔導中心.

學期結束不一定要帶來過勞感，
本月找到簡單的方法來管理壓力、提升專注力並照顧你的身心。
探索我們精選的文章，裡面包含適合忙碌學生的正念練習和自我照顧策略。
無論你需要休息，還是想放鬆，我們提供的技巧都能幫助你保持平靜並充滿活力。

The end of the semester doesn’t have to mean burnout.
This December, find simple ways to manage stress, boost your focus, and take care of your mind.
Explore our collection of articles packed with mindfulness exercises and self-care strategies that fit into your busy student life.
Whether you need a study break or a way to unwind after a long day, we’ve got tips to help you stay calm and energized.

1.In the moment: Simple Mindfulness to reconnect with yourself_愛麗利
2.正念的力量：帶著覺察與焦慮共處 / 龔蕾
3.正念的日常：正念生活的七個態度 / 馬慈佑
4.《好好愛自己》-10-個讓心靈自在的練習 / 田怡芬
5.體重控制與身體意象 / 蘇沛珊
6.愛自己，接納自己的好與壞 撰文／余芊慧
7.聽「自己」說話—身心自我照顧妙招 / 張祐誠
8.獨處的覺察與自我照顧 / 陳盈帆
9.擁抱自己與內在的自己對話 / 戴珊珊
10.珍視你內心的寶藏 / 賴怡臻

The post 2025年12月精選好文 first appeared on 學生輔導中心.

看見這張海報的你，若此刻正感到焦慮，
邀請你回望這學期的足跡，輕聲對自己說：「我已經走了好長一段路。」
放下習慣的苛責，容許不完美的存在，照料那個需要歇息的心。
這一次，先疼惜自己，再邁出腳步。願你在焦慮裡，仍被溫柔對待。

If you’re seeing this poster and feeling anxious right now,
take a moment to look back on your journey this semester and gently tell yourself：“I’ve already come such a long way.”
Let go of your usual self-criticism, allow imperfection to exist, and tend to the part of you that needs a rest.
This time, be kind to yourself first—then take the next step forward. May you be treated with gentleness, even in the midst of anxiety.

1. Self-Mapping : Old routes and New paths/Lynn Cornberg
2. 當焦慮來敲門～學習共處與成長/游賀凱
3. 活出「角落生物」的美好一擁抱不完美,當自己生命的主角/王律心
4. 勇敢面對自己的脆弱─活出真實的我/吳致廷
5. 談欣賞與接納自己一令人驚喜的黑暗力量/江淑娟
6. 看見自己的美好～談高度自我要求者的負擔與因應/林世媛
7. 當我不再為了過去懲罰自己–淺談自我寬恕/林靖蓉
8. 像貓一樣活著─自由的成為你自己/王律心
9. 做自己，好自在─在關係中如何安心做自己/郭亭妤
10. 創造小確幸的藝術/洪瑞謙

The post 2025年11月精選好文 first appeared on 學生輔導中心.

隨著季節變化，心情和人際關係也會改變。
學會注意自己的感受，知道自己的界線，是照顧自己的一部分。
這10篇文章，和你一同溫柔照顧自己。

As the seasons change, our feelings and relationships also shift.
Learning to notice feelings and know boundaries is part of caring for yourself.
These 10 articles will guide you gently caring for yourself.

1. Myths and facts about homosexuality/Ying-Hui Lu
2. 向親密關係中的情緒勒索 SAY NO！/梁路昕
3. 跨越文化差異 — 留學生與本地生溝通無障礙小貼士/郭欣榆
4. You Say More Than You Think—淺談肢體語言與人際關係/陳煒
5. 對同性朋友好心動，我是同志嗎？－談談性傾向探索/陳禹磬
6. 擺盪於高峰低谷的情緒～淺談躁鬱/王煒萱
7. 黑夜裡的獨白—淺談「失眠」的處遇策略/陳莉婷
8. 曖昧、調情與性騷擾：從積極同意談起/李嘉茵
9. 天龍八「不」—淺談拒絕的技巧/范怡
10. 淺談如何陪伴憂鬱症患者/趙姿婷

The post 2025年10月精選好文 first appeared on 學生輔導中心.

開學的節奏太快，不用急著趕上。
從心情開始整理，再回到生活。
這10篇文章，一步步陪你找回節奏。

No need to rush into the semester.
Sorting out feelings, then back into life,
These 10 articles will guide you gently.

1. In Praise of Slowness/Shia-An Lin
2. 情緒調節三部曲/朱浚溢
3. 愛情離去時，如何告別？/林育甄
4. 在孤獨與脆弱時，為自己的心撐開一把傾聽的傘/楊沛頤
5. 設立情緒界線，關照關係中的自己/張君若
6. 你陷入toastout了嗎：探索微焦的情緒狀態/曾于珊
7. 當人生遇到意外的轉角/吳思端
8. 從虛擬世界看人際關係—談聊天軟體中的已讀不回/黃旻
9. 從容活在零碎的時光裡——談零碎時間運用/洪瑞謙
10. 說不出口的隱疾—拖延症候群/張瑩瑩

The post 2025年9月精選好文 first appeared on 學生輔導中心.

What do you imagine when you listen to the word “mindfulness”? Many of my friends believe that mindfulness is sitting in mediation and doing “nothing”. I get that, when we do “nothing” we get bored! However, mindfulness is not about that.

Before I explain what mindfulness is, I’ll get you first to think why it could be interesting to learn mindfulness. Think about your studies for a moment—have there been times when you’ve felt stressed, overwhelmed or pressured? Maybe it’s the homework due tonight or the presentation you have tomorrow. And what about midterms and finals—do they make you feel extra anxious? When that happens, do you stay focused or do you usually end up procrastinating until the deadline is right on top of you? If you answered yes to at least one of these questions, then you might want to learn how mindfulness can become a handy tool to face any of these challenges. Let’s start!

What is mindfulness?

Mindful practice is bringing your full conscious attention to the present by allowing your body and mind to experience moment-to-moment with a more grounded sense of reality. When practicing mindfulness, you become the observer of your thoughts and feelings, and along this process, begin to understand yourself in a clearer way.

Feelings of stress and anxiety often come from making a thought, issue or emotion feel bigger than what it actually is, especially when we start to overthink. Though coping responses vary from person to person, many times they lead to undesired reactions or behaviors such as anger, overeating or isolating yourself from others.

Mindfulness can help you become aware about how you react to different situations, and as you understand more about yourself, you can also develop better skills and adjust your responses, this is called self-regulation (Baltzel, 2016; Palmer & Rodger, 2009). For example, when faced with the pressure, anxiety or overwhelming feelings of an upcoming exam you can pause for a second and notice what is happening within you, are you getting caught up in racing thoughts or panic? Take a few moments to focus on your breathing, and gently bring your attention to the present moment. Observe your thoughts and feelings without judging them and become aware of the space happening in between your inner experience and how you want to respond. By creating this space you can calm down and choose your next step such as, taking a short break or returning to study, feel what is best for you in that moment and whatever your choice is allow yourself to go ahead.

As you can see, mindfulness can be practiced by anyone who would like to improve the quality of their life. Also, mindfulness can be practiced in many different settings, such as sitting, laying down, walking or eating. There are four simple aspects essential to practice mindfulness:
1) a quiet environment
2) a comfortable position
3) a point of focus for the mind, and
4) being non-judgmental, keep an open mind

Let’s do a simple mindfulness exercise to reconnect with yourself. Ready? Find a chair to sit comfortably and take three deep breaths. Then, with each breath you take you’ll feel more and more relaxed. Feel the weight of your body being transferred onto the chair. Begin to notice how your feet touch the floor. Then, gently bring your attention to your legs, knees, upper thigh, and gradually move up throughout your whole body all the way to your head. If you notice any tension just let it be; do not judge it. Just let the mind become aware of it, and kindly bring its attention to the next area. Through this process, the mind and the body become one, so there is no need for struggle, allow yourself to be in the process. Focus your attention on each sensation, stay with it for a few seconds, become the observer of your thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Notice how they arise and just let them go.

Some people might struggle to notice their experience, so here are some questions to help you out
What do I see?
What do I hear?
What do I smell?
What sensations does my body have?
What do I taste?
How do I feel? Sad, anxious, happy

If you become distracted during this process, it’s ok, just gently bring your attention back to where you were and continue, remember not to judge, allow yourself to be open to the experience and accept all of who you are in this moment. And, whenever you are ready, slowly begin to make small movements to gradually bring your awareness back to your mind, body, and into your environment. Avoid standing up too quickly, as it may cause dizziness or light headedness.

Mindful living

Dealing with school pressure can take a toll, both on your body and mind. Practicing mindful living helps you become aware of how stress affects you by understanding where your feelings come from, and offers simple ways to stay grounded, focused and calm, even when you’re super busy. While change unfolds gradually, each small step is also a big step. Whether you’re able to spend 2 minutes or a full hour— it’s your journey, so take it at your own pace.

References
Baltzell, A. (Ed.) (2016). Mindfulness and Performance. Cambridge University Press. https://doi.org/10.1017/CBO9781139871310
Palmer, A., & Rodger, S. (2009). Mindfulness, stress, and coping among university students. Canadian Journal of Counselling,43(3), 198–212.

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