In a world that constantly demands perfect grades, a perfect appearance, and a perfect life, urging you to optimize your time, build a remarkable résumé, manage your emotions, and fix your weaknesses, the pressure to be outstanding is always at two hundred percent. It keeps you up late studying for next week’s presentation, or pushes you to procrastinate by scrolling on your phone because the anxiety feels overwhelming. Maybe, because you worry about your performance, you’re constantly comparing yourself to others. They seem more motivated, more balanced, more certain, even on good days, you feel like what you’re doing is never enough.

For many college students, this sense of “not enough” can be a constant background noise that takes an emotional toll. And while growth is essential to human development, what happens when being human starts to feel like failing? College is not only a place where you learn subjects and skills for a future career; it is also where you begin to discover who you are and how to relate and care for yourself. And for many students, the relationship with the self becomes more shaped by pressure than by care.

Understanding Perfectionism

Perfectionism often develops in environments where approval feels conditional and mistakes come at a high cost. In these settings outcomes become highly predictable, and people learn that one’s worth is tied to “good performance” (Curran & Hill, 2019).

Over time, this leads individuals to understand perfectionism simply as having “high standards.” However, for many students, striving to be perfect is not about wanting to be excellent; it’s about wanting to feel safe. Perfectionism becomes a survival strategy rather than a personality trait. It helps protect against rejection, failure, and the painful sense of not being “good enough.” Studies often show links between perfectionism and chronic self-criticism to anxiety, depression, burnout, and avoidance (Curran & Hill, 2019; Frost et al., 1990).

The Cost of Self-Criticism

As a student you must be familiar with the inner critic. It often shows up when you receive a grade lower than expected, miss a deadline, feel unproductive, or face social challenges. It might say things like “You’re not trying hard enough”, “Other people are doing better”, “Mistakes mean I’m a failure”. This harsh inner voice is meant to motivate you, but in reality, it operates through threat and shame.

When our brain perceives a threat it activates a stress response. The body reacts by narrowing your attention and intensifying our emotions. For the inner critic, mistakes feel dangerous. According to compassion-focused psychology, chronic self-criticism activates the brain’s threat system, increasing stress, making emotional regulation more difficult (Gilbert, 2009). While this can feel motivating in the short term, in the long run it leads to exhaustion, avoidance and a greater vulnerability to developing mental health difficulties such as depression and chronic anxiety (Gilbert, 2009; Neff, 2003).

Think about it, if self-attack truly fostered positive growth, many students would feel confident, focused, and fulfilled. Instead, many feel anxious, mentally and physically drained due to constant stress. With this awareness, an important question arises, if fear does not help you grow, what might?

Self-Compassion: A Different Way of Relating to Yourself

Self-compassion does not mean lowering standards, making excuses, or avoiding responsibility. Rather, self-compassion acknowledges that suffering is part of the human experience and teaches us how to notice it and relate to ourselves and our experiences in a different way, that is with kindness instead of punishment (Neff, 2003).

In a world where we constantly evaluate ourselves, many students learn to relate to themselves through comparison and correction. Emotions become problems to solve, and rest needs to be justified. Struggle is seen as evidence of failure rather than growth. One’s inner world feels less like a place where peace and self-care can blossom, and becomes more like a place that needs to be managed.

As noted earlier, according to compassion-focused psychology, engaging in chronic self-criticism activates the brain’s threat system, increasing stress, shame and emotional reactivity. In contrast, Self-compassion fosters an internal sense of security that supports learning and increases psychological flexibility and resilience (Neff & Germer, 2018). It redirects self-critical questions like “What’s wrong with me?” to “What’s going on within me?”, helping cultivate self-kindness and building an inner source of support that motivates in a healthier way.

With this in mind, you might be asking yourself: ‘How do I deal with my inner critic?’ Inspired by Yadav’s (2016) work, the following six steps are meant to guide you:

1. Be mindful (The ninja brain): Notice yourself and your surroundings in a non-judgemental manner, allowing things to be as they are, without labels.
2. Practice self-forgiveness: Forgive yourself for past mistakes. You are worthy of love exactly as you are, there is no need to be “perfect.”
3. Adopt a growing mindset: Life is about learning and changing. Embrace challenges and look for meaning in your experiences.
4. Count your blessings: Notice what’s going well today. Let gratitude gently push the negativity aside.
5. Helping hands, happy heart: Acts of kindness makes us happy, but true happiness comes when we also honor our own needs.
6. Cultivate self-love: Value yourself as a human being deserving of respect and care,just for being you.

Self-Compassion’s Invitation to Returning Back to Being Human

Moving from self-criticizing to self-compassion is a gradual and often quiet process. For example, when obtaining a disappointing grade you might acknowledge the disappointment instead of punishing yourself. When you feel tired, you allow yourself to rest without needing to justify it. Self-compassion reminds you that struggle does not equal personal failure. We all struggle, we all suffer, and we all share a wide range of emotions. Recognizing this shared humanity also helps us feel more connected to others through our shared experiences.

You could imagine practicing self-compassion as if you were talking to a close friend. Perhaps you place a hand on your shoulder and, before spiraling into self-judgement, gently ask yourself “What do I need right now?.”

Studies indicate that those with higher levels of higher self-compassion also tend to show greater emotional resilience, healthier motivation, and lower levels of shame and burnout (Neff & Germer, 2018).

Over time, the small steps you take reshape the relationship you have with your own mind. You move from self-control to self-support, from constantly self-evaluating yourself to self-understanding. Self-compassion is not something for which you first have to fix yourself so you can start practicing. It is something you practice because learning to be a human is one of the most important things you can practice. Because you are, you are already worthy.

References
Curran, T., & Hill, A. P. (2019). Perfectionism is increasing over time: A meta-analysis of birth cohort differences. Psychological Bulletin, 145(4), 410–429.
Frost, R. O., Marten, P., Lahart, C., & Rosenblate, R. (1990). The dimensions of perfectionism. Cognitive Therapy and Research, 14(5), 449–468.
Gilbert, P. (2009). The compassionate mind. New Harbinger.
Neff, K. D. (2003). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity, 2(2), 85–101.
Neff, K. D., & Germer, C. K. (2018). The mindful self-compassion workbook. Guilford Press.
Yadav, P. (2016). Self- compassion and the art of overcoming one’s inner critic. Indian Journal of Positive Psychology, 7(4), 495–497.

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What do you imagine when you listen to the word “mindfulness”? Many of my friends believe that mindfulness is sitting in mediation and doing “nothing”. I get that, when we do “nothing” we get bored! However, mindfulness is not about that.

Before I explain what mindfulness is, I’ll get you first to think why it could be interesting to learn mindfulness. Think about your studies for a moment—have there been times when you’ve felt stressed, overwhelmed or pressured? Maybe it’s the homework due tonight or the presentation you have tomorrow. And what about midterms and finals—do they make you feel extra anxious? When that happens, do you stay focused or do you usually end up procrastinating until the deadline is right on top of you? If you answered yes to at least one of these questions, then you might want to learn how mindfulness can become a handy tool to face any of these challenges. Let’s start!

What is mindfulness?

Mindful practice is bringing your full conscious attention to the present by allowing your body and mind to experience moment-to-moment with a more grounded sense of reality. When practicing mindfulness, you become the observer of your thoughts and feelings, and along this process, begin to understand yourself in a clearer way.

Feelings of stress and anxiety often come from making a thought, issue or emotion feel bigger than what it actually is, especially when we start to overthink. Though coping responses vary from person to person, many times they lead to undesired reactions or behaviors such as anger, overeating or isolating yourself from others.

Mindfulness can help you become aware about how you react to different situations, and as you understand more about yourself, you can also develop better skills and adjust your responses, this is called self-regulation (Baltzel, 2016; Palmer & Rodger, 2009). For example, when faced with the pressure, anxiety or overwhelming feelings of an upcoming exam you can pause for a second and notice what is happening within you, are you getting caught up in racing thoughts or panic? Take a few moments to focus on your breathing, and gently bring your attention to the present moment. Observe your thoughts and feelings without judging them and become aware of the space happening in between your inner experience and how you want to respond. By creating this space you can calm down and choose your next step such as, taking a short break or returning to study, feel what is best for you in that moment and whatever your choice is allow yourself to go ahead.

As you can see, mindfulness can be practiced by anyone who would like to improve the quality of their life. Also, mindfulness can be practiced in many different settings, such as sitting, laying down, walking or eating. There are four simple aspects essential to practice mindfulness:
1) a quiet environment
2) a comfortable position
3) a point of focus for the mind, and
4) being non-judgmental, keep an open mind

Let’s do a simple mindfulness exercise to reconnect with yourself. Ready? Find a chair to sit comfortably and take three deep breaths. Then, with each breath you take you’ll feel more and more relaxed. Feel the weight of your body being transferred onto the chair. Begin to notice how your feet touch the floor. Then, gently bring your attention to your legs, knees, upper thigh, and gradually move up throughout your whole body all the way to your head. If you notice any tension just let it be; do not judge it. Just let the mind become aware of it, and kindly bring its attention to the next area. Through this process, the mind and the body become one, so there is no need for struggle, allow yourself to be in the process. Focus your attention on each sensation, stay with it for a few seconds, become the observer of your thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Notice how they arise and just let them go.

Some people might struggle to notice their experience, so here are some questions to help you out
What do I see?
What do I hear?
What do I smell?
What sensations does my body have?
What do I taste?
How do I feel? Sad, anxious, happy

If you become distracted during this process, it’s ok, just gently bring your attention back to where you were and continue, remember not to judge, allow yourself to be open to the experience and accept all of who you are in this moment. And, whenever you are ready, slowly begin to make small movements to gradually bring your awareness back to your mind, body, and into your environment. Avoid standing up too quickly, as it may cause dizziness or light headedness.

Mindful living

Dealing with school pressure can take a toll, both on your body and mind. Practicing mindful living helps you become aware of how stress affects you by understanding where your feelings come from, and offers simple ways to stay grounded, focused and calm, even when you’re super busy. While change unfolds gradually, each small step is also a big step. Whether you’re able to spend 2 minutes or a full hour— it’s your journey, so take it at your own pace.

References
Baltzell, A. (Ed.) (2016). Mindfulness and Performance. Cambridge University Press. https://doi.org/10.1017/CBO9781139871310
Palmer, A., & Rodger, S. (2009). Mindfulness, stress, and coping among university students. Canadian Journal of Counselling,43(3), 198–212.

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Xin-Yi Peng

After shopping like crazy, is there a moment in which you feel empty? In fact, nothing is wrong with spending money; however, we should make a spending plan and consider the deeper reasons for our over-spending. Is our shopping satisfying a need, or is it merely for vanity or a temporary increase in confidence?

Dear Peng,

Lately, I have had disagreements with my family because of my bills for last month. My mom called me a shopaholic, blaming me for spending too much while earning a small amount. This really pissed me off. As the saying goes, “The tailor makes the man” I just like to dress myself up in fashionable attire. People will look at me differently when I wear brand-named clothes and accessories! Plus, most of my classmates are also brand-addicted, and I feel like an alien if I don’t do the same thing.

I don’t make a lot of money. I try to pay the bills using installment plans provided by my credit cards. I do, however, pay for my clothes with my own pocket money. I think I should be fashionable while I am still young. Every time I shop in fancy stores, I really enjoy the great customer service and the courteous reception that salespeople offer. Although the things I buy seem to be a little bit expensive, I tend to use the items for a very long time. The quality of brand-named clothing is much higher than the clothes that I buy from stands. I feel very different when I wear expensive clothes while walking among the crowds on campus.

So, am I wrong? Will I spend all my family’s money? I don’t really want to hear my family accusing me of spending money unwisely.

Confused Van

Dear Confused Van,

I would like to thank you for sharing your concern and difficulty in this matter. I believe that we are all attracted to things that are new, beautiful, and fashionable. It must be difficult for you to justify your actions to your family, especially since you love being fashionable.

Reproducing desirable consumable products is at the heart of consumerism in a capitalistic society. A variety of fashionable products catch customers’ eyes. For higher turnover, newer products must always be available for consumption. While shopping for fashionable items, we can observe our own repetitive consumption behaviors. Paying by credit card is one of the behaviors of consumers. You are still a student and dependent on your parents; one of the consequences of your consumption behaviors is that your parent(s) question your excessive spending patterns. In all honesty, your bills turn out to be their responsibility. This does not mean that they cannot understand and appreciate your experience, rather they hope that you can ease their burdens by becoming a responsible shopper.

In fact, nothing is wrong with spending money. Do not repress yourself and what you like to do because of guilt. However, I suggest that you manage your money based on a monthly budget plan. Once you have calculated your monthly income, as well as your family allowance, you can gain a better idea of your spending range. You can also ask your family or friends to remind you of your budget. In this way, you won’t spend excessive amounts of money on spur of the moment items.

Before we limit our expenditures or manage our budget, we need to consider the reasons why we like to shop. This attitude towards consumption may be related to personal values toward money, or it could be a clue about our own levels of self-confidence. Perhaps, all we want is to receive praise from others. We may try to bolster our self-confidence based on other people’s opinions. This may be caused by an underlying low sense of self. Capitalists applaud any low sense of self that might increase sales! I encourage the resolution of your issues through further self-exploration and self-reflection. If you are ready, I am surely willing to explore more about self-values with you.

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Yan-Hua Chen

“I wander around day after day like a dead-walking man, I need someone or unnamed power that tells me which way to go…”

Before becoming university students, most people live simpler lives. They focus their attention on one goal─getting into a university. However, after finally making the grade and gaining college acceptance, many people are left to wonder about their future. They struggle to find meaningful goals that are fueled by their passions and lead to a meaningful and successful lifetime pursuit.

The search for meaning in life is a continuous process throughout an individual’s life. Every person faces different life challenges in different life stages. For university students who are going to graduate from university, one of the major shifts in their life is about to happen to leave school as a student and enter the workplace world as an adult. This transition causes many students to feel anxious, especially when they find out that they don’t know what they want or know where they are heading.

Victor Frankl, one of the founders of existential therapy, once said, “The core human concern is not to pursue happiness or to avoid pain, but to realize a life meaning that is unique to each person.” Some believe that his words mean that an understanding of what we are doing and why we are suffering leads to a discovery of reasons for our existence. Perhaps, however, Frankl simply points us toward our own unique paths. Wherever we head and whatever we choose becomes meaningful when we make it our own way, when we understand this as unique to our own existing.

The question of “What should I do to find out the meaning of my own life?” becomes meaningful when a second question follows… “How can I find my life meaning by doing something?” The keys in this question are the words doing something. Remember that doing anything is unique to that which you will do. Frankl suggested that there are three ways by which people find out their meaning in life:

People create meaning in their lives by creating works in which they find interest, their passion or simply by doing what they enjoy doing, e.g. hobbies, or exercise, songwriting, music, writing, decorating, shopping, dog-walking, painting, movie making, blogging, hot-springing, bike riding, mountain climbing, traveling, visiting friends, etc.

By experiencing the wonderful things in Daily life, such as art, music, the beauty of nature, being loved by others and loving others, and so on, people will sense their meaning in their life in their own unique relationships and ways.

Our attitudes toward the difficulties in life determine how meaningful our life becomes. We always have the freedom to decide the attitudes that we take relative to the difficulties we are facing. Frankl faced survival against all odds in a Nazi concentration camp. He found a powerful life force and meaning from the difficulties he miraculously survived. When we become aware of our own suffering in a difficult experience, there is an opportunity for transformation, a possibility of discovering in the difficulty the energy of making new meaning, a unique meaning for our life.

Dear friends, do you notice an important message conveyed in this article? Everyone faces three important life issues in the process of discovering meaning in their life: freedom, choice and responsibility. No matter the situation, we can choose where we stand and what attitude we adopt toward who and what we face. We can decide what kind of person we want to be. Thus, making choices and being responsible for our decisions is key.

When we feel overwhelmed by difficulties in life, we usually forget that we have the freedom of choice in every situation. However, if we can realize that we ourselves are the authors of our own lives, we will feel more content and happy and able to go on creating, experiencing, and changing not only our attitudes but also our ways of finding meaning in our lives.

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Emotion can be like a bouncing ball－at time difficult to control and at times right on the spot. Like an excellent pitcher in the game of baseball, learning how to control the power and force of our emotions can make a difference in how we throw a pitch. In the game of handball, the way we bounce the ball off the wall determines how the ball will come back. Awareness, understanding, and behavior are key components of well-pitched and well-bounced emotions. Learning about our emotions is one of the most important lessons that life has to offer.

My guess is that the following situation is not new to you. Say, for example, a student knows that he has studied and gets his homework done. On the other hand, he doesn’t want to lift his hand from his pillow to begin working on whatever he needs to do. A fierce battle of sleep or study irritatingly becomes louder and louder and he ends up stuck doing neither. Is his feeling of lethargy excuse/ reason to avoid facing the demands of educational achievement? While this may be the way some people relate to his situation, this may not be true for others. What exactly is emotion? Why do people have emotion? Can emotions really have a powerful influence on us? Let us explore emotions further in order to connect with how they can help or hinder.

What is emotion? Chuang(1999) points out that emotion is a mentally-provoked and physically-provoked state that individuals are affected by given certain stimuli. Duan-Wei Yao; Ying-He Chen; Yan-Qin Zhao(2004) suggests that emotion is a regulation mechanism that helps individuals establish, maintain and change their relationships with the world around them. In other words, emotion is a subjective experience being provoked by external stimuli. Experience of emotion changes depending on a wide range of elements including time factors, situation factors, and individual factors.

Generally speaking, emotion is classified into two categories － positive emotions and negative emotions. Examples of positive emotions may include being happy, warm, compassionate, proud, hopeful, content, etc. Negative emotions are further grouped into two sub-types: the constructive and the unconstructive sub-type, or say, the healthy negative emotions and the unhealthy negative ones. The healthy negative emotions may be but are not limited to, worry, sadness, regret, disappointment, concern for relationships with others, and healthy envy. Some examples of unhealthy negative emotions are anxiety, depression, shame, bitterness, hurtfulness, pessimism, jealousy, and unhealthy envy. (Dryden Windy, 1997) Surprisingly, not all of the emotions are bad. In some situations, negative emotions even have positive functions. For example, reasonable worry pushes individuals to take some actions to avoid certain dangers; healthy envy can motivate individuals to better themselves

In short, it is reasonable to say that emotions are present all the time as long as we breathe. Since emotions are something that we can’t get rid of, how to manage them well becomes an important lesson to learn.

As mentioned above, emotion is not something troublesome that always drags us down. On the contrary, emotional energy can be transformed into a positive
life force. Through awareness and acceptance of our emotions, we can learn to control and take responsible and appropriate action. Using the baseball metaphor, a pitcher throwing out of control may hit a batter and send him to first base with a bruised body part. The runner is both hurt and maybe a risk for scoring a run. A pitcher who is controlled can strike a batter out even better throw a no-hitter. Like a pitcher who has to read a lot of information about a batter, base runners, and signals from the catcher, emotions provide us tons of information and serve a lot of functions, such as informing an individual of potential dangers, of the personal boundary being offended, or of being left alone without any assistance from the outside. Second, emotion pushes us to take appropriate actions in response to changes in our environment. For instance, we step back when scared; we fight back when mad; we withdraw when upset. When we better become aware and understand our own emotions, we can work toward better relationships between ourselves and our environment. The last emotion assists us to be aware of the relationships among individuals. Observing others’ facial and vocal expressions increases our ability to understand their emotion, which in turn helps us manage our relationships with others.

It is reasonable to say that emotion is powerful based on what is mentioned above. In some situations, a person may feel that their emotions are easily swayed by others’ emotions; and in other situations, that same person may be affected by their own emotion. Like a pitcher who is throwing out of control or a handball player who has missed several shots, a person whose emotions tip toward a boiling point can follow four steps to manage emotions and regain power and control:

When upset, breath in more oxygen through deep, slow breaths. Increased oxygen levels decrease uncomfortable feelings.

When persons involved in a difficult situation are upset, leaving the scene for a while to cool down is better than rushing to deal with matters while still angry.

After leaving the emotion-provoking situation, do something else, such as exercise or something enjoyable and comfortable. Also, a simple shift in attention or concentration can increase the likeliness that something different will happen.

After sorting out our emotions and regaining calm, we can choose to discuss what happens with the other at the right time and in the right place.

Emotion, like a bouncy ball, is energy in the hand of a thrower. An experienced star pitcher can control high speeds and tricky pitches having learned how and where to throw the ball for desired results and winning games. Strong and successful pitchers relate and rely on their catcher as well as read the batter. Pitchers carefully take in a ton of information before throwing a pitch. Managing our emotions help us to read and to relate not only to our own emotions but help us get along with others.

References:
Chuang, C. S.(1999).Modern Psychology. Taipei:Dong Hua.
Duan-Wei Y., Ying-he C., & Yan-Qin Z.(2004).The Study on the Age Characters, Development Trend and Sex Differences of Preschoolers’ Emotion Competence Psychology Development and Education, 20, 12-16.
Dryden, W.(1997). Invitation to rational-emotive psychology

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“Have you always been unsatisfied with your body shape, trying various ways to work on it? Either weight loss or bodybuilding often reflects how you feel about yourself. Let’s explore more!”

May seems a bit chubby and she worries that she may be singled out in a group where everybody seems slim. Afraid of being singled out, May diets to lose weight but ends up losing her health.

Have you ever had the same experience as May? Do you always feel overweight and need to lose some pounds? Have you ever doubted yourself because of being too heavy? Have you ever been worried that the impressions you leave on others are bad? Do you often feel not good enough and wonder why a decent boy/girlfriend is so hard to find? If so, try to think over how your perception of your body can influence the way you think and feel about yourself.

“Body image” represents how you think and feel about your body, including your perception and attitude toward your body as well as others’ opinions of your appearance.

1. Body image refers to our perceptions of our own physical appearance and the way in which we see our own body.
2. Body image involves age, gender, and others’ opinions.
3. Body image experiences are closely linked to personal feelings.
4. Body image tends to be socially constructed; for example, modern people emphasize slender builds while people in ancient Tang dynasty preferred full builds because of Yang Guifei.
5. The relevance of body image may vary with age, environmental influences or major events.
6. Body image influences information processing; a negative body image affects information processing as well.
7. Body image drives behavior; we choose our clothes depending on body image.

1. Gender: Females care and value their appearance more than males do, and also tend to have negative feelings toward them.
2. Developmental stages: People value body image the most in the stage of adolescence and they will care about it until they are in the stage of toung adulthood. College students are in the late stage of adolescence.
3. Family’s social economic status: people with abundant resources tend to appreciate buxom women and visa versa.
4. Attitudes and assessments of important others: Parents, teachers, peers and others who are important influence personal body image.
5. Personality and emotion: A significant positive correlation exists between body image and self-esteem; a strong negative correlation also exists between body image and depression.
6. Social cultures and the media: The media, the most influential force in contemporary cultures, connect slenderness to beauty, success, positive impressions as well as attractiveness.

Based on the factors presented above, we know that females care and value their body images more than males. Their low self-esteem especially reflects their low satisfaction toward their body shapes. Also, they tend to be influenced by cultural environments, especially the media. As a result, they should emphasize values clarification and enhance self-esteem when they want to undertake a weight control plan. The ways we suggest are as follows:

1. Improve your body image and understand what an ideal body image truly means: Everyone should follow the principle that being pretty means staying healthy. Either being full or slim can both be attractive.
2. Calculate your standard weight: Use body mass index (BMI) to know your body fat percentage.
3. Consult a nutritionist or dietitian: Contact a nutritionist or go to public health institutes or medical organizations to learn more tips for healthy eating.
4. Exercise more and eat less: Eat less but still with regular meals each day.
   “Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, and dinner like pauper.” Try three smaller meals, with a few snacks in between and more exercise.
5. Develop recreational skills: Develop recreational skills to enhance self-esteem. For example, you can do painting, writing, jogging, cooking, and play the piano or learn tea preparation and so on.

This standard weight chart is for reference only

References：
Huang, S.J., Hung, W.C. & Yin, Y.W., (2003). The Longitudinal Study of Body Image of the Undergraduate Students: The Influence of Gender. Chinese Journal of School Health, 43, 24-41.
Yu, Y.Y., (2001). Weight Control Program – the Viewpoint of Body Image. Chinese Journal of School Health, 38, 56-69.

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“Being slow means striking a balance between fast and slow. You can live better than you think.”

Living in societies where efficiency and acceleration reign supreme, the body and mind go from bad to worse in terms of health while fast foods and boring TV shows proliferate. The resulting damage of high-speed pressure on the mind and body includes the rise of insomnia, hypertension, asthma, and ulcers. In Praise of Slowness challenges the cult of speed and strives for a better balance between fast and slow to help us enjoy a richer, fuller life. The following examples introduce slow movement.

Ask yourself :

1. Do I always rely on the microwave to quickly heat my meal?
2. Do I always eat fast food?
3. Do I always eat like a horse and then rush off?
4. How long has it been since I have last enjoyed the beautiful taste of food?
5. How long has it been since I have spent time eating food while talking with my close friends? Family? Relatives?

Sometimes people eat alone while doing other things at the same time such as working, driving, reading the newspaper and surfing the internet. This behavior creates a situation where people eat faster in order to get back to work as soon as possible, never resting to replenish the body and mind. Eating while watching TV seems like a good idea, but why is it that the person who engages this way feels empty at the end of the meal while the show(s) go on and on.

Lacking and lost in both situations is the enjoyable pleasure that comes from preparing and eating food that feeds the mind/body. Also, obviously missing from the picture is another warm human simply enjoying good company and good food.

The first step toward healthy eating habits is feeding yourself slowly. I am. not suggesting that all-day crockpot-cooking is a must-do to be healthy— although it’s not a bad idea once in a while. I am strongly suggesting that slow food does not include artificial, packaged, and processed— industrial foods. Slow food is defined by how it is prepared, and how it is enjoyed. Cooking for yourself does not have to be complicated and expensive. Buying fresh, simple foods and preparing them simply can be well… simply inexpensive, convenient, enjoyable and fun to share!

1. Meditation eases anxiety, frees emotion and lowers blood pressure.
2. Yoga enhances deep breathing, strengthens immunity and promotes the healthy circulation of blood.
3. Chi Kung develops the control of breath and improves balance and patience.

Slow motions and movements strike a different kind of balance between fast and slow. We can play healthily with the fast pace in our life when we experiment by creating our own new slow styles. We can create more time and space to think and to breathe our life and in the process stumble upon the enjoyment of it. Grow slow in your life and enjoy the surprising blooms of happiness that appear and you are going slow enough to notice!

References：
Carl, H. (2005). In Praise of Slow. UK: Orion.

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“Kisses between two girls are tough to stomach, not to mention those intimate behaviors between guys. How weird is that?!”
“I don’t know how to put this into words. It..it is just awkward to see or think of two women making love.”
“Well, I am neither a supporter nor an opponent of gays. It’s just that I can’t help thinking that homosexuality is unnatural.”

The concept of sexual orientation is crucial to an understanding of homosexuality. First, sexual orientation is an enduring emotional, romantic, sexual, and affectional attraction toward others (American Psychology Association, 2007). If an individual is sexually attracted to a person of the same sex, he/ she is homosexual. If he/ she is sexually attracted to a person of the opposite sex, he/ she is straight. If he/ she is sexually attracted to both males and females, he/ she is bisexual. Second, sexual orientation is a self-identification. For example, some people identify themselves as gay and have sex with others of the opposite sex.

In other words, the sex of one’s sex partner doesn’t determine one’s sexual orientation. Third, self-identification may change over time as people explore ways of identifying who they are at different points in their life. Some people may identify themselves as gay early in life and change their identity differently later. Other people may go through the opposite process, i.e. from being straight to being homosexual.

Being homosexual can be as healthy as is being straight. Some people erroneously and ignorantly think that homosexuality is a mistake and something society can control like a disease or treat like a mental disorder. Sadly, due to this thinking, many people in a dominantly straight society have developed some negative assumptions and feelings about homosexuality.

Prejudices are present both in overt and covert social norms and forms from everyday conversations (e.g., using the word, gay, in a derogative homophobic way), to both psychological and physical distance from gays, and even so far as to the physical assault of homosexual. The following section attempts to dispel commonly held myths in order to help understand choices with regard to homosexuality.

People equate homosexuality with AIDS. Research shows that there are different ways of contracting the HIV virus that may lead to AIDS, e.g. through the exchange of body fluids, the contamination of a blood transfusion, the sharing of needles, and through childbirth if a mother is HIV positive. In other words, getting AIDS has nothing to do with one’s sexual orientation.

Some beliefs behind this myth may include the following:” Homosexuality is so different from the rest of the people so it is abnormal” or “God didn’t create men and women for no good reason. One of the purposes God created both sexes is to reproduce humankind. Therefore, only the union between men and women is acceptable and natural.” When we carefully examine these beliefs, it is not difficult to pin down the illogical elements in them.

In terms of the first belief, the illogic occurs given the fact that minority does not mean abnormality. Homosexuality indeed makes up a relatively small percentage of the population. However, this fact doesn’t mean that homosexuality is wrong or abnormal. If minority means abnormal, then should we see left-handed people as abnormal too? As for the second belief, the claim under the umbrella of God’s name, there is still something that doesn’t make sense. The assumption behind the second belief is that the union can’t serve the function of reproduction, the union is not a natural one. If one considers the logic of this assumption as correct, then should we extend this logic to friends who are diagnosed with infertility as “unnatural humans”?

Among heterosexuals, some men look more masculine and others don’t； some women act in a way consistent with societal expectations for compliancy, being soft and passive, however, some women act in ways that do not fit these expectations. Diversity exists among heterosexuals as well as among homosexuals. It is unfair and bigoted to say that every gay man speaks or walks in a feminine way. It is also incorrect to assume that every lesbian speaks or walks in a masculine way. We actually can not tell a person’s sexual orientation just from his/ her appearance.

Sexuality does not equal sex. Homosexual persons may choose to be celibate, to be abstinent, to be monogamous, to have multiple partners at one time, etc. This diversity of choices occurs among heterosexual persons as well.

The American Psychological Association and the American Counseling Association strongly oppose this hypothesis. Homosexual people are able to practice heterosexual lifestyles (e.g., dating partners of the opposite sex). They are also able to embrace their romantic and sexual feeling for another person of the same sex.

A straight person may kiss and hug a person of the same sex and still be in control of his/her romantic feelings for people of the opposite sex. Indeed, people are able to control their actions and their decisions to act according to their feelings. This is very different from asking people to use their willpower to deny their feelings.

There is a saying,” Before learning to be a man or a woman, learn to be a human.” Two important matters are worth considering with regard to this advice. Gender is only one of many ways a person identifies themself. A loving, passionate and compassionate person’s life is fuller when they are not limiting their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors to gender-dictated ways of being.

Likewise, sexual orientation is also only one of many individual identification processes. It is important not to think or treat another person in a black-and-white way simply based on their gender or sexual orientation. Every human being, no matter their gender or sexual orientation, is full of resources and potential and, most importantly, needs respect.

References：
American Psychological Association. (2007).Answers to Your Questions About Sexual Orientation and Homosexuality, Retrieved Oct 25, 2007, from American Psychological Association Website: http://www.apa.org/topics/orientation.html
Haugen, D.M.(2006), Homosexuality. Detroit: Greenhaven Press.
PFLAHG.(2007). Be Yourself, Retrieved Oct 25, 2007, from Indiana University Bloomington GLBT Student Support Office Web site: http://www.indiana .edu/~glbt/brocures/be_youself.pdf

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Hui-Chen Chen

“Low energy, low interest, agitation and anxiety, the feeling of time flying by……these are signs of pressure.”

Pressure arises when an individual believes that available resources are not sufficient enough to deal with the challenges that they face.

If an individual believes that he is powerless to handle demands from his environment, pressure builds up. In order to deal with pressure and to build up enough power to ward off threats, an individual must have confidence in one’s own abilities.

Everyone experiences pressure in their life. A moderate level of stress can motivate us to perform better. However, excessive pressure, over a long period of time, can have a negative impact on our physical and emotional well-being. The symptoms of pressure can vary depending on the duration and intensity of a stressful event. Physical and emotional symptoms, as well as thoughts and behaviors, need to be considered in order to recognize healthy or unhealthy pressures. Unhealthy physical, emotional, cognitive, and behavioral symptoms may include:

Constipation, insomnia, stomach discomfort, headache, menstrual irregularity, high blood pressure, heart disease, etc.

Impulsiveness, anxiety, irritability, depression, lethargy, etc.

Rigid thinking, inattentiveness, lack of rational judgment, poor problem-solving ability, etc.

Lower energy, aggressiveness, detachment, medical addiction, compulsiveness, etc.

To be the burden of imbalance or to find power in growing up: A question of stress management.

When stress happens management becomes necessary to be healthy. Both high-stress indicators and ways to manage them are listed below.

• High-Stress Indicator: multiple stresses happening at once, traumatic events, and long-term stress.
• Managing Stress: reducing unnecessary stress stimuli through meditation, immediately resolving stressful events, and handling serious and chronic stress while taking into consideration the unique characteristics of the person and the specific coping strategies that are effective for the individual.

• High-Stress Indicator: negative attribution style, self-blame, low self-efficacy.
• Managing Stress: avoid attaching failure to one’s ability, instead focus on the situation, increase self-confidence, and reframe threats as challenges, avoid connecting past failures to the present situation, take advantage of the resources available, and develop an optimistic attitude.

• High-Stress Indicator: inability to face problems, engaging in negative thought patterns, and being overwhelmed by negative emotions.
• Managing Stress:

1. Take action to solve the problem；do not put off actions to resolve the problem.
2. Detach from the problem for a certain amount of time, DO ANYTHING that relaxes and refreshes your body and mind.
3. Change the way of thinking: seeing one’s own ability and the problem in a more positive way.
4. Seek others for support or help.
5. Learn some skills to relax body and mind:
   (1) Mediation: practice for 2-20 minutes before having a meal, focus your attention on breathing.
   (2) Muscle relaxation: tighten your heads, shoulders, forehead, eyes and mouth for 5 seconds and, all at once, relax and let go.
   (3) Body extension: slowly exercise head, shoulders, limbs, waist, belly, etc.
   (4) Belly breathing: expand the diaphragm, slowly breathe in and breathe out while remembering that more time should be spent on exhaling than inhaling.
6. Time management: make lists and prioritize things in your schedule.
7. Eat a healthy diet, and get plenty of sleep on a regular basis.
8. Smile as much as possible. Holding a between your teeth lengthwise hrows the face muscles into a smile and works!
9. Develop your sense of humor and appreciate the beauty of the environment and the people around you.

• High-Stress Indicator: loneliness, avoids seeking help from others, worry about “losing face” i.e. what others think, difficulty establishing meaningful relationships with others.
• Stress management:

1. Discuss life pressures and stressful situations with people that you trust.
2. Develop hobbies, and engage in social activities.
3. Surround yourself with positive people.
4. Seek help when dealing with the problem.
5. Consult others to get advice in order to improve your problem-resolution skills.

Managing stress needs to be an individual art form. If we handle stress inadequately, stress turns into distress. However, if we deal with it appropriately and creatively, stress may become a positive force that can motivate us. Through positive solutions to managing stress, we gain wisdom and maturity by growing ourselves up in artful creative ways specific to our own difficulties and finding power in them.

References：
Siou-Ling, T., & Jhin-Sin, Y.(1999). Pressure Management. Taipei: Yang Jhih.

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Hui-Jane Su

Do you always sigh with despair and think it difficult to act based on complicated interpersonal relationships? Before regrets, why not learn to be a self-satisfied and popular person?

Based on research, the personality traits which one displays are the factors that influence his/her interpersonal relationships. Good personality traits not only can improve interpersonal relationships, but also can increase personal attraction, and make you a cute person to love. Why not try hard to develop the following personality traits to make people like you more?

According to Anderson(1968), among all personality traits, sincerity is the most important key to making people like you. People prefer those who are sincere, rather than calculated, crafty and cunning; therefore, to have wonderful interpersonal relationships, we have to treat others with our hearts. Do not do unto others as you do not like them to do to you. To feel for others is the basic principle to make friendships endurable.

Among complicated interpersonal relationships, a person with a smiling face along with a decent and kind attitude will be more approachable than one with no facial expressions as well as a cold and detached attitude. According to Folkes & Sears (1977), one with elated thoughts and perspectives of looking at people will show more warmth to others. When feeling people we meet are nice, issues we talk about are interesting, things we do are meaningful, and we will be highly interested in showing our warmth to others. Hence, others will be glad to make friends with us.

Usually, people appreciate those who are smart, competent, and wise. Competent people bring us more benefits because they probably help us out, brainstorm new ideas and make life much more interesting and easier. Owing to “social exchange theory,” the more abilities one has the more values he/she exchanges with others. Through mutual interactions, each individual makes a contribution to draw on the strength of each to offset the weakness of the other. If we try to learn from each other, we will find it easier to develop our interpersonal relationships.

Some research indicates that under the same conditions, a physically attractive person is more welcomed than one with a less attractive appearance. Though beauty is only skin deep and inner beauty should be more valued than outside appearance, yet research confirms that an attractive person still gains more positive responses from others due to the influence of stereotypical beauty. With more and more interpersonal interactions, people start to get to know each other more; as a result, inner personalities will have a remarkable influence on interpersonal relationships. However, we cannot deny that beauty still makes a favorable impression. To pursue external and inner beauty appropriately, therefore, also represents the respect that you show towards others and yourself.

In addition to sincerity, warmth, competence as well as physical attractiveness, people like those who are kind-hearted, humorous, outgoing, responsible, and willing to help and care about others. While getting along with those whose pleasant or agreeable personality traits make your life feel hopeful, with those who tend to be anxious, worried, negative, and insecure you feel moody and less motivated to make them your friends. As a result, cultivating positive, pleasant, or agreeable personality traits is also a key element in interpersonal relationships.

Building and maintaining amicable relationships with others helps you stay positive and confident toward the future. If one tries hard to be a better and more productive person, people will have favorable impressions of him/her in return. Then he/she accomplishes the purpose desired, creating more opportunities and a sense of security for him/herself. Let’s develop those wonderful personality traits discussed above! With a little bit of change and learning, we will immerse ourselves in the joy of wonderful interpersonal relationships!

References:
Chen, J.M.,& Zhong, S.J. (1996). Interpersonal relationships. Taipei: Youth Cultural.

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